Confessing
by cocacolaa
Summary: Sam turns up at Carly's door, blooded and soaking wet. Carly finds this night to be the right night to finally tell Sam her feelings for her, but it doesn't all prove well. CAM, suggests SEDDIE too. R
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly ! :(**

**Song Suggestions: Breathe – Taylor Swift **

**Recessional – Vienna Teng**

**Rating: T (suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.) THERE IS ONLY KISSING. Nothing further. **

**Summary: Sam turns up at Carly's door, bloody and soaking wet. Carly finds this night to be the right night to finally tell Sam her feelings for her, but it doesn't all prove well. CAM, suggests SEDDIE too.**

**It's really long, by the way :') if there are any mistakes, please tell me :)**

**Oh and please Review 3  
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I heard the knocking of the door to my apartment.

It was so faint I actually wasn't sure if I was just imagining the weak noise of someone's fist against my door.

In my head, I did a quick process of who it could be at 1 am. It could be Spencer, but seeming as he was staying at Socko's for the night, I crossed him off the possibilities. It could be Freddie... yeah, he's up there. It could be my other, much more likely, best friend Sam, but the light knocking really wasn't in her character. So it's either Freddie, and now not so likely, Sam. I hoped Sam.

"Coming."

I got up from the couch and walked over to the door. I didn't bother to look through the peep hole, and so just unlatched the door and pulled it open.

Standing in front of me, soaking wet, with drizzles of blood falling from her mouth and a cut on her cheek, was who I had hoped it would be, in a state I would _never _hope to see her in.

"Sam, what the hell happened?"

I grabbed her by her arm and swung her inside. I closed the door hastily behind us and then turned back to her. "Sam, what happened? Tell me right now!"

She waved her hands in front of her, trying to calm me. "Carly, don't worry. It's no big deal."

"No, Sam, tell me!"

She shook her head. "Look, can I just get cleaned up a bit and get some of my clothes?"

As she was such a regular here, she actually had some of her own clothes here at mine and it wasn't strange that she had come here to get cleaned up rather than her own house.

I nodded weakly, still phased by the site of a bloody Sam. It wasn't like a colossal amount of blood, followed by a black eye, but it was still an amount exceeding that of, say, a nose bleed, or just a normal cut.

She grinned her Sam grin that made my face redden, my mind mix and my breathing hitch.

We were both in 11th grade now. I was 17, and Sam still 16. Since the end of 9th grade, when I was 15, I had began to come to terms with something that had really stressed me since I was only 14. I knew the way I felt for Sam was different to how it should really be. I didn't exactly know until I was 14, as before I thought of Sam as a friend, okay well more than a friend, but not in the ways I began later on.

It all changed at 15. When Sam _used _to stay over, I'd rather her stay on the couch so that she didn't hit me in her sleep, _now, _I'd rather Sam stayed in my own bed, just to be closer to her. When Sam used to go on her small trips to see her brother, I would be sad because I couldn't talk to her, but would get over it quickly by say, texting her, or occupying myself, now,I just can't stand it. I hate those days where she could be gone from as little as 3 days to as many as 7. I hate not knowing where she is, not seeing her, not being close. When Sam used to get boyfriend, I was happy. Now, I hate it.

I must have zoned out on my thoughts, because now I was standing on my own. I looked around me, to the door, to the kitchen, to behind me, but I couldn't see Sam.

I was about to shout for her, when I heard the shower starting up. I nodded my head, and then turned myself around so I could sit on the couch.

I sighed while I lowered myself onto it. What had happened? Had someone tried to rob her while she was out? Had she gotten into, yet another, fight? Why wasn't she telling me? She was making out that nothing was wrong, but when you turn up at someone's door at 1 am, with a cut that may actually need stitches, blood trickling down your face, and to top it all off, you're soaking wet, it can hardly be called 'nothing'.

I waited patiently for her to finish in the shower, and soon enough I heard it stop. I got up from the couch and went over to the bathroom, which was around the corner, close to Spencer's room. I was going to interrogate her until she told me what had happened. I was about to knock when I heard a harsh intake of breathe.

"Shit... Why won't it stop bleeding?"

I knocked on the door repeatedly. "Sam! Open the door!"

She groans and then shuffles about. "Sam! Right now!"

"Hold on!"

I knocked on the door more. "No! Now Sam!"

She groans again, hitting the door angrily back. "Unless you want to see me naked, you'll wait! I'm just getting my towel on."

I blushed furiously. What was worse, I considered saying 'no, i'm not waiting', but I decided against it.

I heard her heading for the door, and then her hand turning the lock. The door opening, and I saw Sam with a towel wrapping her hair, and one covering her body. One hand was still holding onto the door handle, while the other was pressing down on the wound on her face. My face was getting hotter at the site in front of me. It was humiliating. It really was. Here I was, red faced, and possibly in love with my best friend. Do you know how it feels? Of course, some of you may understand what I feel but maybe in the case of a boy best friend. She was a girl. _I _was a girl. It was horrible to think of my best friend that way, and then to know she wouldn't feel the same.

I diverted my eyes to her cheek and cringed. Blood was seeping through her fingers, despite the pressure she was applying.

"Jesus Sam, what happened?"

She shook her head. "Let's just leave it."

I furrowed my eyebrows in frustration and then slammed my arm, barricading the door so she couldn't leave. "No! No, Sam! You will tell me what happened! We're best friends, aren't we?"

She groaned, and too furrowed her eyebrows. "Carly, if you're such a best friend, why can't you just leave it?"

"Because then I wouldn't be a best friend!"

She stood back and then closed the door of the bathroom in my face.

"Hey! Open this god damn door!"

"No!"

"Sam!"

"What?"

"Open the door!" I placed my hands on the door knob and shook it furiously.  
"No!"

"Yes!"

"Nooo!"  
"ARGH!" I groaned and looked around me, still keeping my hands on the knob. I saw a hairpin on the side table and ran over to it quickly.

I wasn't an expert at this, I wasn't Sam, and so I just had to try.

"Sam, I've got a hairpin, and I _will _use it!"

I heard a snort from the other side of the door.

"What? Do you think you're the only one of us who can pick a lock."

There was another snort. "No, it's just have you looked at the lock to your bathroom?"

I looked down.

Right.

I forgot.

It wasn't like a door lock.

I groaned and kicked the door. I must have kicked it a lot harder than I thought I had, because it swung open. The door was already broken, but I didn't intend on kicking it open. Jesus, Spencer would _not _be happy. There was Sam, standing, still in her towel. She was staring at me, shocked, a slight twitch in her eye.

"Eh... Carly. Hey."

Even though it was still the same sight I had seen before, I felt my face burning up as thoughts raced around my head, but I shook them off quickly and decided to take advantage of the situation, as Sam believed I had the power to actually kick down a door.

"If you don't tell me what happened, I'll kick your shins with my force!"

She cocked an eyebrow, and then laughed. I began to laugh along with her.

It was moment like this, that made me wish I didn't have those feelings I did for Sam.

My feelings sometimes got in the way of our friendship, and the both of us could see the strains. Somedays, I'd go without talking to Sam just because I couldn't deal with being in love with her while she had no idea. Sometimes, I would be so cruel to her, shout at her, tell her to leave me alone, tell her to not bother coming around, not to do iCarly that week. Usually, they were the times when she had gotten a new boyfriend, but sometimes I would just be like that for no reason. iCarly sometimes got so hard, I had trouble doing it at all and like I said, there would be weeks I would actually tell Sam not to bother coming. I'd have to come up with an excuse for her not to be there to the viewers. Our viewers would decrease by almost 40% the weeks she wasn't on. Not only that, on those weeks, Freddie would shake his head disappointedly at me throughout most of the show. Freddie would shout at me every time I would act those ways with Sam. Funny thing was, Sam had never shouted back at me. Sometimes that actually made me more frustrated. How I could shout at her, but she would never shout back. Once, Freddie, in an argument with me, told me what Sam had told him when he had asked her why she never shouted back at me. She had said; 'because she's my best friend. If something's happened, I'd rather she take her anger out on me then she keep it all locked up. And anyway, maybe I'm the one who is actually making her angry.'

When he told me that, I cried for hours. How could I have been so mean to her? So cruel?

From that day onwards, I had tried so hard to not snap at her, but I still did on the odd occasion.

But right here, right now, I was laughing with her. We were both looking together, and it felt amazing.

"I'm going to go get some clothes on." She chuckled the words out, still laughing.

I nodded and then shook my head. "Wait, no."

She looked at me confused.

"Put pyjamas on, it's been ages since you've stayed."

Her eyes lit up, and a genuine smile appeared on her face. Not a smirk, or a grin. Just a smile. It made me heart skip a beat.

Once hand was still pressed against her cheek as she jogged off, up the stairs, to my room. I was reminded of why I had kicked the door in the first place and decided that if she wasn't going to tell me, I was going have to get it out of her.

I glanced to the door, then to the clock.

It was 1:45 am, but this was necessary. Sam was bleeding, and it was obvious it needed some taking care of.

It may seemed selfish, but I didn't want to call the hospital, the reason being, I wanted Sam to be here, with me. I quietly opened the door to my apartment and snook across to Freddie's apartment. I knocked on the door and waited. I kept glancing back to my apartment, checking if Sam had come down yet, but she hadn't. I suspected it was because she was drying her hair or something.

I glanced back to the door I had knocked. There was still no reply yet, so I groaned loudly.

Suddenly the door opened. Freddie was standing there groggy eyed, and in his all in one pyjamas.

"Carly? What time is it?"

"Freddie, can you get your mom? Please?"

"Someone called me?"

His mom came around from a corner in her nightgown. She looked perky for someone at the nearing hours of 2 am. None the less, I nodded to her. "Can you bring your first aid kit 'round to my apartment? Sam is hurt."

Freddie's face snapped around from his mom to me. "What?! What's happened?"

"I don't know," I shook my head, "she won't tell me."

Freddie's mom nodded her head, worry etched over her face, but not so significant as too show _too _much worry for someone other than Freddie.

She hurried back into her room, as Freddie and me went back over to my apartment. He looked around, trying to seek her out, but couldn't find her.

"Where is she?"

"She's upstairs, getting into pyjamas. Just wait."

He nodded, nervously. "How's she been hurt?"

"She had blood coming from her mouth, and she has a deep gash on her cheek. I don't know if there's anything else."

Just then, his mother came in and did the same her son had done. "Where is she?"

"She's getting into pyjamas."

"Well."

"Well what?"

"Bring her down!"

"Oh right!" I nodded and then went closer to the bottom of the stairs. "Sam, come down."

"Carly, this damn cut won't stop bleeding... It's everywhere..." She was wandering down the stairs, looking down at her hand, deep in thought it appears.

When she was greeted by silence, she looked up. Her face dropped when she saw me, Freddie and Mrs. Benson, with her massive first aid kit, at the bottom.

"Carly..."

"Sam, she knows first aid..."

She groaned and turned to go back up the stairs, but I ran up and caught her by the arm. "Sam, please..."

She whispered harshly, close to my ear, "Carly, she's crazy!"

Her lips were so close to my ears, it made them tingle. "I know, but you need that seen to..."

"No Carly, i'd rather bleed to death."

My grip on her arm tightened as I shook my head. "Don't say that. Please, for me... just let her look at it."

She stared deep into my eyes, searching them for something. I don't know what, but it allowed me to look into her eyes in return. They were a beautiful blue, not like any I'd seen before.

"Okay. For you."

She walked down the stairs and I followed her down. She was still pressing down on the cut, but some blood was still managing to seep through, but a lot less than before. When I stood by Freddie, as Mrs. Benson inspected, it was then I noticed what she was wearing. It was just a plain white top with boxer shorts with a Dr. Seuss character on them. But what really caught my attention was the blood staining the top.

Mrs. Benson guided her to the kitchen area. "Right, sit down on the stool." Sam groaned but she obeyed the commands. "Freddie, bring the first aid kit over."

Freddie nodded and then picked up the kit and brought it over.

He looked worriedly at Sam. While his mum rummaged through the first aid kit, he reached over to touch her cheek. "Sam..." She pulled back lightly but he continued to reach over. It was like those scenes in movies. It was all so affectionate looking. He finally brushed his fingers over the wound, his eyes softening as he looked at Sam.

She winced at the touch, but she didn't push his hand away.

To many, this would seem cute. To many, they looked like a couple. To many, they _should _be a couple.

To me, they should _never _be a couple. To me, this was all wrong.

I was jealous, I was furious. How could she do that to me? _She's done nothing to you, Carly. You're not together. _But she should have realized how I feel, like a best friend should be able to do. _Why would she ever think you loved her? It's all too wrong for her. _But I love her. _But she doesn't love you_.

I shook my head, tears rolling down my cheeks. I wiped them away quickly, but there were still threatening tears coating my eyes.

Mrs. Benson got up and had a smaller first aid kit in her hands, which she had pulled out from the bigger one. She placed it on the table beside Sam and then closed in on Sam's face.

I shook off all the sadness, I needed to be there for Sam.

I went over to stand beside Ms. Benson and watch what she did to Sam. Freddie did the same.

"It's not too deep. Butterfly stitches will work just fine on it."

Sam was relieved that she didn't have to get proper stitches.

I'd never needed stitches, or butterfly stitches, before, nor broke a bone.

I knew for a fact Sam had. She'd broke her wrist twice, her arm once, her ankle three times and broken ribs before. I could tell you each story behind those broken bones.

She broke most of them in the park, where we always used to go, but some were for other reasons.

One of the broken wrist was when she had punched this girl from our class. It wasn't a usual, unprovoked Sam attack, it was for a reason. This girl had earlier spread a cruel rumour about me. I had told Sam, while crying, about it and she had told me to wait there. I didn't know what she was doing, and had assumed she may have been going to get my tissues or something, but then I remembered we were in the toilets anyway. There was tissues here. That's when I realised it was for some other reason. I had ran out of the toilet, crying, and looking for her. I couldn't see her, but then I heard a cry of pain.

I ran around the corner and saw Melanie Harris lying on the floor, clutching her jaw. Sam was standing over her, scowling, with her fists clenched by her sides.

One of the three ankles was when she was running away from these boys who were trying to rob me. I didn't really notice they were trying to get my phone and money until Sam came up behind me and saying to them 'you know, you should really learn how to pick pocket _before _you try it.' they had scowled, saying she knew no better, that was when she showed them each of their wallets and cells. That's when she ran. Unfortunately, in Seattle, rain is expected. Trust me when I say, it's hard running from three boys when the ground is wet.

As for her ribs, that was from taking a blow for me. I had gotten into a small fight of my own. It didn't star as a fight fight, just a 'bitch' fight, but then she took it too far. We had been fighting about how she thought her boyfriend was cheating on her with me, when he wasn't, and so she had started the fight off. That's when she began to get too angry. She actually asked one of her football friends to ram into me 'by accident'. When we were walking, she must have noticed the interaction between Stephenie Donalds, Edward Williams and Mike Richardson, because when we started to walk over the pitch, she had told me we should go a different way. I was being stubborn, so I we continued over. That's when Edward through the ball in our direction and so Mike started to head for us at full speed. As I waited for the blow, the only pain I received was hitting the floor. I had opened my eyes just to see Sam get knocked back. She hit the ground on her back, and the sheer force was enough to cause her to cause her upper half to leave the ground as it rebounded.

When I looked back on those times, I can't help but understand why I love her so much. She was beautiful, caring and was willing to break be hurt for me.

I was brought back to the present by Mrs. Benson. She was dabbing the cut with something that was causing Sam to wince. I laughed at the sight.

Sam was whacking her hand away, why she kept telling her to stay still.

"But it hurts!"

"I know it does, but it'll help!"

"Arghh, it's burning!"

"It's meant to!"

"Why would something intentionally burn someone!?"

Finally, the cut was ready to apply the butterfly stitched to. Mrs. Benson pushed the wound closer together, and with the help of Freddie, applied each of the steristrips to Sam's cheek.

It was only a few minutes before each of them had been applied.

The bleeding had stopped, and the wound was now closed up.

"Carly, go fetch a clean top."

I nodded and ran up the stairs and found a band t-shirt that Sam had gotten when we both went to a concert. I brought it down and handed it to Sam.

"Um, I'll go put it on upstairs."

Mrs. Benson shook her head, "oh no you won't. I need to clean, bleach and scrub that top. I need right here, right now!"

Sam shook her head. "I'd rather not."

I knew for a fact it was because she felt uncomfortable, she had changed tops before in front of Mrs. Benson, like when she came in muddy, or too wet, or something like that. I knew Freddie and his mother were thinking the same thing because we were all giving her questioning looks.

"Sam, just change tops..."

She shook her head.

"Sam. Just do it."

"Carly, I-"

"Sam, for me, ple-"

She stared at me, hurt and angry I didn't understand why. That's when she shook her head, angrily. "No! You always do that!"

I looked at her questioningly. "Do what?"

"That!" She scowled. "You think that by saying 'for me', I'll just let you walk all over me!"

I wasn't really like that, was I? I shook my head. "No... I don't mean it like that... I...I..."

She got off the stool, said her thanks to Mrs. Benson and Freddie and then walked up the stairs. I stood there speechless. No one made a sound until Mrs. Benson coughed.

"I think we should leave Fredward."

Freddie nodded. "Bye Carly."

Once his mom left, he turn back to me. "You really do do that, you know?"

"Do what?"

"You think you can get her to do whatever you want. You take her for granted." He turned and left, closing the door behind him.

How dare he.

I take her for granted? I loved her... Why did no one see that?

I turned around and headed for the stairs. I was going to tell her, no, I was going to _show _her my love. I've had this feeling for too long. I've kept them hidden for too long and people are starting to believe it's because I don't care at all for her, but I do. I really, _really_, do.

When I got to the door, I felt sick and scared. How could I possibly tell Sam how I felt about her? She doesn't feel the same way... our friendship will be ruined... No. I had to tell her. I _had _to.

I opened the door slowly and quietly. I peaked around and saw the back of Sam as she was just about to take the blooded t-shirt off.

I walked in quietly, and got close behind her. "Are you okay?"

She jumped and gasped as she turned around and saw me. "What the hell! Jesus, you didn't half scare me."

I looked at her, waiting for the answer.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry for the outburst... you didn't deserve that. And what I said, it wasn't true... I was just angry, seriously."

I knew she was lying, and she knew I knew. She sighed and looked at me, smiling a soft and care filled smile.

My heart stopped for a second or two.

I stared at her for a while and she laughed. "What? Is there something wrong with my face?"

Then her face fell. "Besides the obvious."

I shook my head, smiling, "no. Your face is just fine. Perfect, in fact."

She laughed, throwing her head back. "Good one!"

I shook my head again, "I'm not joking Sam."

She stopped laughing and then gave me a confused look. I took a step closer, and she took one back. "Carly, what are you doing?"

I reached my hand up and touched her cheek, the one without the steristrips. She lifted her hand, and held onto the wrist of the hand on her face. "Carly, stop.."

It was now or never.

I didn't want to give her time to push me away, so I was going to take quick action. I just wanted to kiss her. I wanted to feel her lips on mine before she rejected me.

I quickly stood forward and pushed my lips to hers. I shut my eyes tightly, but I knew her eyes were wide with shock. Against my mouth, I heard a muffled sound of surprise.

She tried to push me off, her hands firmly placed on my stomach, shoving my body from hers, but I persisted in my actions and gripped onto her waist.

Not thinking about my actions, I lifted my hand and brushed my thumb over her wounded cheek. She gasped in pain. From the gasp, I gained entrance into her mouth properly. I tilted my head, and kissed her furiously, knowing this would be the only time I'd ever be able to kiss Sam.

She pushed me off much more forcefully now, breathing heavily. "Please Carly, stop it..." When I went forward to kiss her again, shaking my head, she turned her head so I kissed her sore cheek. "Then please... at least tell me why... why, Carly?"

I kissed her lips, and then her cheek and then closer to her ear. "Because I love you."

I said it. I actually said. it _Finally_.

Relief swept over me.

Now all I had to do was wait for her punch me, push me, reject me, tell me to fuck off.

I kept my lips rested near her ear, my chin on her shoulder, waiting for the pain to come, both physically, but much more mentally.

Instead, she stayed silent, breathing lightly. She hadn't rejected me.

I pushed my self away from her shoulder and put my mouth to hers again and then drew back. "Is it wrong I feel this way?"

She looked into my eyes and shook her head. "Of course it isn't wrong to love someone."

"But is it wrong I love _you_?"

She was more thoughtful in her thinkings this time. "If you love me... then I'll have to deal with it, won't I?"

She just had to deal with my feelings?

Tears began to pour out of my eyes. She had to _deal _with them?

Her eyes widened, and her hands darted to my cheeks. She shook her head. "No, no, no! I didn't mean it like that Carly! I didn't! I'm sorry!"

I continued to cry as I cam to realise that Sam would _never _return my feelings. She would have to deal with them, just put up with my never ending love for her.

She shook her head, panicking as I continued to cry. In confusion and panic, she looked into my eyes and put her lips to mine. She waited for an entrance to my mouth, and when I parted my lips, she deepened the kiss.

I didn't know what to think, so I didn't. I didn't care if it was sympathy, confusion, frustration, whatever. _She_ had kissed _me, _and it was the most amazing feeling. Tingles went through my body, and my stomach fluttered. My head was spinning as we kissed. Damn, this was the best kiss ever.

We tilted our heads, changing sides every few seconds. I moved my hands down to her waist, while her hand held onto my arm, close to my elbow.

I opened my eyes for a few seconds. Sam wasn't relaxed. Her eyebrows were furrowed as we kissed, but she continued.

I closed my eyes again and started to move forward, causing her to move back. We stayed locked in our kiss as we neared the bed. Her legs hit the edge, but I continued to push forward. She finally fell back onto the bed, and I landed on top. I kissed her for a while longer, and then began to move away from her mouth. My lips trailed from her lips, down her neck, and then to her collarbone. Her breathing hitched as I did this. I had no intentions of sleeping with her, if that's what you were thinking.

I moved my hands down and tugged onto her top. She moved her hand down to mine, resting them on top to stop me from lifting her top.

"No..."

I went back up to her mouth and kissed her once again. "Please?" I kissed her again, and pulled back, laughing. "For me?"

She laughed a warm laugh, and I was sure she was about to say no again, but I beat her to it.

I moved my hands down and lifted her top.

When I looked down, I saw bruises. They didn't cover her entire upper hald, but they weren't small either. The most significant one was over some parts of her right ribs.

My fingers trailed over her ribcage, causing her to wince at my touch.

I looked at her. "What happened Sam?"

She was looking at the ceiling, rather than me. "Not now."

I wanted to press further, but then I realised that what she said could easily be her way of her saying 'carry on kissing me'. Or, it could have actually meant just that, 'not now', but I'd rather think the first than the latter.

I placed my lips at the top of her stomach, but below the chest. I trailed back up to her collarbone, but rather than going back to her mouth, I diverted and went right. My lips trailed to the side of her neck. I parted my lips and sucked in.

Not expecting me to do that, her hands shot up and held onto my shoulder lightly. She didn't push me off, and so I continued to suckle. I drew back after a couple seconds, admiring my work.

There was a visible reddy purple mark already appearing on her neck. Her grip on my shoulder left as one hand trailed over where I had left the hickey.

She was about to say something to me, but I placed my lips back on hers. As it started to get hotter, I took my own top off. Now we were both in our bras and shorts.

I still didn't want it to go any further than this, because I just didn't. I didn't want to sleep with Sam, not now. I was perfectly fine just doing this, kissing her, showing I loved her. I wasn't that type of person.

We continued to kiss for ages. It could have been hours, I wasn't entirely sure. I began to loose track of time.

Finally, Sam put her hand up to my collarbone area, and pushed me lightly, stopping me from kissing her anymore.

"We... we need to stop..."

I kissed her lips again. "Why?"

I was waiting for those words. The dreaded words that I had expected right near the start of this. They could be any of the following phrases:

_'This is wrong, Carly.'_

_'I don't feel the same, Carly.'_

_'I love Freddie, Carly.'_

etc. etc.

"Because it's like 4 am and I'm tired."

I stopped kissing her and looked at her face. I looked into her eyes, looking for the sarcasm, looking for the joke, but all I saw was her eyes looking back into mine.

I laughed, and sat on the edge of the bed. She pushed herself up, pulled back on her top and then got off the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"Downstairs... to the couch. You always make me sleep there."

I only made her sleep there because of the frustration. That frustration was gone now.

I shook my head. "Just get in bed."

She laughed and smiled, "okay. I'm just going to brush my teeth then."

I nodded as she went down the steps to the bathroom where her 'Carly's apartment toothbrush' was. I went to the other bathroom on this floor to where my toothbrush was.

I looked at myself in the mirror as I brushed my teeth. I hadn't even noticed it, but I was smiling like an idiot. It didn't even feel like I was smiling as widely as I actually was.

I brushed my teeth quickly and then returned to my bedroom. Just as I got into the bed, Sam walked in, wiping the remaining toothpaste away from her mouth. She gave me a small smile and then climbed in next to me.

I turned and faced her and watched her close her eyes. She was asleep in a matter of seconds.

I was asleep in a matter of hours.

I spent those hours just looking at her.

Waiting for tomorrow, and what it brought.


	2. Chapter 2

So the next day came.

The clock beside me read 10:00 am. Jesus, I was up early. We were off for summer, so I had really been getting to sleep at like 1 in the afternoon, on average. Considering what time I got to sleep last night, this was extremely early. A smile formed on my face remembering last night, remembering Sam. Sam.

I rolled over to face her, hopefully, sleeping form.

But she wasn't there.

Neither were her shoes.

She'd left.

I took the next 2 hours to do several things. 10 minutes was taken up showering. 10 minutes was taken up getting changed. Breakfast, or what little I had of it, took up 20 minutes. So that was 40 minutes of the 2 hours. What did I do for the remaining hour and 20 minutes?

I cried. In fact, I cried the entire 2 hours. I also stared at the phone for a good while, wondering whether to call her, or to wait for her to call me.

That's when Spencer walked in.

"Hey, hey, Car-car-lay. Wait, what's wrong? It looks like you've been crying..." He came and sat beside me on the couch. Reminding me I'd been crying. reminded me of _why _I had been crying, which got me crying again.

"Carly! Carly, what's happened?"

I continued to cry in my hands as Spencer hugged my hunched over body. I couldn't tell him, obviously not, but I wished I could. I needed advice, I needed help.

I sniffed and wiped my nose before turning to Spencer. "Spencer. You know if you really, really like someone, even possibly _love _them, and you show them you love them... and then, for a while it seems like they're returning that feeling... what do you do when they've left you without a word? They've just left you heartbroken! Left you... left you-" By the end I had broken out into a cry again, weeping as Spencer looked at me.

"Carly..." he wrapped his arms around me, so I cried into his chest. "Someone who does that doesn't deserve you... Someone like that must be a complete idiot, and you shouldn't cry over them..."

He wouldn't be saying that if he knew who it was, and I knew it. "Spencer, this person is different. If you knew who it was..."

"Then tell me who it is."

"I can't... I just, I just can't, Spencer.."

I drew back from his chest and shook my head. "I'm your big brother. You can tell me whoever it is. I promise not to go beat up whoever it is."

I giggled, thinking of him trying to beat Sam up. Oh, how he would loose. He relaxed slightly at the laugh and then looked slightly serious again. "Carly, who is it?"

I took a deep breathe, thinking of the pro's and con's of actually telling Spencer exactly who it was.

Pro's being; he could help me a lot more, it'd be off of my chest, I wouldn't be keeping him in the shadows.

Con's being; he could think less of me, he's be awkward around both me _and _Sam, he would have a 'talking' with Sam, he might tell someone else and then it'd pass around, and there were so many more con's on top of those.

I let out the breathe and then shook my head. "I can't Spencer. I just can't..."

He looked worried and a little betrayed, but he nodded. "Okay."

Suddenly, a wave of anger washed over me. I had no idea why, it could have been the betrayal I was causing Spencer to feel, or the fact I had been left by her without so much as a note.

I got up from the couch, an obvious scowl on my face.

Spencer raced from around the kitchen area and reached out to my shoulder as I headed for the door. "Hey, hey, wait! Where are you going?"

"You were right. I shouldn't cry over them, and I'm going to show them that."

*

I ran to her house. I ran as fast as I could, taking any shortcuts I knew of, and avoiding people so I didn't get myself hurt. I didn't go to Sam's too often, the area wasn't too nice, and that's why she was at mine so often.

The houses were scruffy, with barely any paint to cover up the disastrous sight they were. The wiry fences were bent over, having probably been jumped over during a police chase. The grass was a yellow, dead colour.

I shivered at the sight, truly grateful for the apartment I had, which was similar to the size of any average house. Sometimes I was ungrateful and wished for a real house, and then there were times like this where I knew how little some people had in comparison.

The anger I had felt previously had somewhat diminished, but as I saw her house in sight, it grew again.

I stormed over to her house, number 34, and slammed my fists against the door.

"Sam! Get out here now!"

I continued to bang my fists against the door, giving myself no breaks to actually listen out for a reply. That's when I heard the unlatching of the door lock.

"Okay, okay! Jesus Christ Carly!"

I gave the door one last bang before I stood back, waiting to see her face, and when I did, I took a breathe in. It was hard loving someone, but also hating them.

"Why did you leave Sam?!"

She scowled at my forcefulness. "Am I not allowed to return to my own home Carly?"

"Oh don't give me that! You and I both know you don't give a fuck about your own home! You were basically _at _home last night! Why the hell did you leave?!"

"Because I wanted to!"

"Why did you want to?!"  
"Why do you _think _Carly?"

"Do you hate me _that _much, that you actually up and left in the morning to avoid me?"

She shook her head, eyes softening. "I don't hate you Carly."

"Then... then what is it?"

"I don't know what to do Carly. I don't know what I felt last night... I don't know whether I was angry, or happy, or sad, or... or, I don't know !.. All my emotions just jumbled... I woke up at like 6, thinking over everything and then I just got too confused and frustrated so I left. It wasn't because of _you_, it was _me_. And I didn't mean that in that 'letting you down lightly' break-up line, 'it's not you, it's me', I actually mean it."

I took in all of her words and relief swept over me. I smiled and nodded. "I'm sorry for what I'm putting you through... It's just.... I started to think of you differently a year or so ago, and then I began to care for you so much more than I should have been... I just, I just needed to tell you-"

She laughed, "don't you mean, show me?"

I laughed and nodded too, "yeah. Show you. I'm sorry for doing that to you."

She nodded thoughtfully, looking upwards. Her mouth went slightly askew as she thought.

"Hmm... Do you want to come in? I know you don't like it much here at mine, but you're here now."

I nodded, grinning.

*****

We had taken to sitting on her couch and watching a movie we had been talking about watching for a while. She was laughing at it and pointing at the screen each time.

I'd have thunk nothing of it if it had been a comedy.

It was a tragedy.

"What are you finding funny about this?"

She turned to me, straight faces. "How ridiculous it is."

I laughed and leaned over her to whack her slightly, but as I went to do so, I slipped slightly. I was now inches from her face, on top of her, on her couch. I stared into her eyes, then looked over her face entirely. She was looking straight into my eyes.

I had no idea what to do. My entire body told me to just kiss her, my head told me the same, and so did my heart. Then what was stopping me? Sam was. I couldn't confuse her... not even more.

Just as I was bringing myself to get away from her, her hands came to my cheeks and held me there.

"If you want to do it, do it. I won't stop you."

I stared at her, shocked by what she had just said.

Was she saying it was okay for me to do this because she wanted it too? Or was it sympathy? Just doing it to please me...? I thought about it, and then came to a conclusion.

Hell, I was going to take the offer.

I pushed my lips onto hers, closing my eyes as I did so. I kissed her for as long as I could, kissing her cheek and jaw line along with her lips. I also checked on my hickey, smiling as I saw the sheer visibility of it.

I continued to kiss her, feeling the happiness in me peeking as she kissed me back, as everything I had ever wanted was right here.

It was all going so perfectly, that was until Sam's mom and her boyfriend came into the house.

"Sam I forgot my- What the fuck is going on here?"

I jumped off of Sam, wide eyed and fearful. Sam was much slower getting up, looking down at the ground as she did so, probably out of shame.

Sam's mother got closer to her, quick paced and scary looking. "Is there something wrong with you? Are you deaf? I said, what the _fuck _is going on here?"

She grabbed Sam by her shirt pulling her closer to her, and clenching her teeth right in her face. Her mothers boyfriend stood further back, smirking at what was happening. I wanted to stop her, tell her to get off of her, but I was too scared...

Sam still didn't answer, but I wished she would... just to get her mother to let go of her...

Her mother bared her teeth, more outraged by her daughter. Her hold on her shirt tightened as she slammed Sam against the wall. Sam gave out a harsh breathe as she hit the bricks that made up her walls. I gasped and began to cry.

"Please, please stop it!"

Her mother turned to me, "don't you fucking dare tell me what to do! You whore-"

Before her mother could finish the sentence, a fist connected with her cheek. I looked over to Sam to see her dropping her fist to her side as her mother clutched onto her cheek. Sam was free of the grip, but soon enough was held in a new one.

In a matter of seconds, someone else was on top of her, pinning her to the ground. I gasped, too scared to scream. On top of her was her mom's boyfriend, and he looked angry. I cried more and more at the sight.

I was about to go over, get him off her, kick him, punch him, but Sam looked over to me from the ground. She chocked out what little she could, "Carly, just go..."

"No, I can't!"

"Carly... just... do it..."

I shook my head, but she mouthed something else to me, 'please, get help'. I nodded and ran out of the house, as I ran, I gave one final look back into the house. I saw a fist collide with the side of Sam's face.

I ran faster.


End file.
